Hey, y'all,

Here we are at the beginning of Pride month. And it seems like in recent years, the message gets louder and louder that Pride isn’t just a celebration, but rooted in protest or as so many memes say “a riot.” Though historical facts are often misconstrued in the memes and quippy posts, there is truth in this.

However, I wish we would remember that Pride is more than even those two things. I wish we would most draw our attention to and remember that Pride was formed and rooted in community and creating belonging. In providing space, visibility, and peaceful gathering in the midst of turmoil, misunderstanding, and even violence against the LGBTQ+ community. The first Pride gatherings included spiritual services, times for talking and getting to know each other, and of course marching together to call for equality. At the heart of them lived connection and forming relationship.

That’s such a far cry from the commercialism, entertainment centering, and caricatures present not just in pride celebrations but in other forms of messaging to and within our LGBTQ+ community, which often add sarcasm and anger-fueled hubris which further isolates and divides. Sometimes I wonder how I can use my voice in such spaces when what I most want to do is promote more understanding and acceptance so that more and more people will know, affirm, love, and ultimately fight for our community. I honestly wonder if I’ll be rejected, too.

I’ve decided that I can’t afford to remain silent or to only work with allies and would be allies. I’ve connected deeply with helping people become more accepting, more understanding, and better at allyship. It’s work that can be difficult, requires high levels of patience, empathy, and emotional maturity. I’ve long felt called to the work of bridge building, and I plan to continue and expand on that work.

But in this moment, I refuse to let the sarcastic and divisive voices overshadow and divert what could be productive conversation and the work of nonviolent progress toward a more unified and understanding world. And to do that, I need to speak to my siblings who are LGBTQ+ (and to some of our fierce allies) who latch on to this divisive messaging and spread it, take it on, repeat it, and in doing so deepen the chasms between us.

Memes suggest “Wishing homophobes an uncomfortable month” or state “The future is queer. Get over it.” while ostracizing people who still are struggling to come to grips with their own sexuality, older generations of LGBTQ+ people who see the q-word as the slur used against them, and even people who act in homophobic ways now but could be brought to a place of understanding.

Last year, I had a strange experience of responding to a comment from someone I knew from college – a comment that wasn’t meant to be hateful but was deeply harmful even though it was well-intentioned. After studying the work of Thich Nhat Hanh, I did my best to respond with patience in a firm yet loving way. After I did that though, another person responded with anger, sarcasm, and insults toward him – and she said while I had a right to be patient as a LGBTQ+ person, she, as an ally, had a right to use force.

Needless to say, the conversation derailed and turned into insulting his beliefs, his personhood, and character. This saddened me deeply, because I know what could have happened. But didn’t – because instead of calming, this forceful approach added fuel to the fires of division, hubris, and anger.

While any of us might have a right to respond and speak in the ways we choose, we all have the responsibility to create a better world – and that happens by putting love, hope, peace, and connection at the top of our priorities. Are there times when that isn’t possible? Of course. Sometimes the best thing we can do is walk away. But many times, we could listen and provide a patient and empathic response which might also need to include gentle correction. Correction that allows for a teachable moment and a change of heart.

If we can do that hard work, then we can build a bigger and more loving and vibrant community. And that, my friends, is what Pride is all about.

Love and Pride,

Charity

Where I'm finding inspiration:

Have you seen Ken Burns's Commencement Speech at Brandeis University? If not, I highly recommend this beautiful example of going beyond binary thinking. I was so grateful someone shared this with me the morning after I wrote this week's newsletter!

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